Here is an email conversation that I’ve been having with a little charmer that I like to call Loser. It’s a good one…

Loser - You charged me twice. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN??? ARE YOU INCOMPETANT???

Lady Smaggle - (after checking her perfect Virgo records) Actually what happened was you already bought and paid for the product once and then enquired if we had received your payment. I asked you for more details and you didn’t reply. You then, rather stupidly, and without consulting us bought and paid for the product a second time. I am happy to refund you the full amount although I should charge you the admin fee because this whole thing was your fault. If I could reach you, I would flick you in the face.

Loser - Well you HAVE to give me a refund because I’m a sooky la la. I also have no understanding of the fact that you are doing me a huge favour and I’m going to be a real whingy little pain in the arse. Blah, blah, blah, some crap about customer rights.

Lady Smaggle - Whatever. Here’s your refund. You’ll get a cheque in a few weeks. Quit being a bitch.

A few days later…

Loser - WHERE IS MY REFUND???? WHY IS THIS PROCESS SO TIME CONSUMING???? (This is an actual quote… what a nut bar)

Lady Smaggle - You’ll get a cheque in a few weeks. I gave you a full refund even though you bought another product without first consulting us. Just calm the fuck down.

Loser - Okay. Where did you send it? TO THE ADDRESS ON MY APPLICATION FORM???

Lady Smaggle - Yes. When people give me their addresses I generally assume that’s where they live.

Loser - BUT I’VE MOVED HOUSE!!!!

Lady Smaggle - Just give me your new address and I will send it there instead. Now run along to the doctor and have that big vein in your head removed before it pops and gives you permanent brain damage.

Loser - Thank you

I just don’t understand why people open the forum with aggression. All of the events that occurred were his fault yet instead of calmly trying to find a solution to his problems he yells at me until I point out what a stupid loser he is (very professionally of course) and then he thanks me for helping him. If people have anger management issues they should really seek help. And not breed.

What’s got your goat today my little sugar snap? Tell Lady all about it…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

After what might possibly be the worst week I have ever had I have finally posted my application, shopped, packed and baked for my long weekend and things are semi-under control at work. 

Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments and support. It really makes me blush and I feel so privileged that people take the time to comment on my site and I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to get back to you. I’ll be back on the ball next week. 

I’m spending the next four days on an island with (obviously) no internet. So I’ll see you all on Monday!

And by the way I’m not sure if you’ve heard but my life is over. Stay tuned for a rant. 

Kisses and cuddles and smaggles to you all! Mwah!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Here is a list of the things that are giving me stomach ulcers right now… consider this a rant. 

1. My parents are selling my house and the real estate agents have removed several important items that are obviously considered offensive to potential buyers. Things like toilet paper, towels, the fruit bowl, kitchen knives, my bin, all of my shower products and my clock. I’m really sick of throwing rubbish on the floor where the bin used to be and not having a towel to dry my face on. The lack of toilet paper also presents issues.

2. My work load has increased by 500% in the last week. It does this about four times a year for a week or two and then it goes back to normal. Right now I’m considering having myself hospitalised because I can’t fit 12 hours of work into the day. It’s relentless. 

3. I have to have my application completed by Thursday morning so I can post it before I go away for the weekend. FREAKING OUT… but loving my readers for helping me! Blush!

4. I have to learn all my lines for my play BEFORE the first rehearsal which is on Monday next week. For those of you who don’t do acting it’s a really weird thing to have to do. Normally you learn the lines as you go along. 

5. I have to go away for four days at the busiest time of the year for a relaxing hen’s weekend. Which will be amazing… if only I had the time to relax.

6. I broke the law today in front of a learner driver and he copied me. Now I have all kinds of death toll guilt. For the record, I ran a red light. 

What else is a girl to do but slap on some killer new heels, paint her eyes with apple green shadow and dance her way through the day? And that’s just what I did. 

* Jeans from Jag

* Top from Material Pleasures (second hand store)

* Singlet top from Supre

* Earrings from Diva 

* Shoes from Nine West (my birthday present to myself - cream and black patent leather platforms. Sigh!)

So is everyone else’s lives falling apart or is it just me?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Some super cool stuff that had me twitching at my keyboard…

Everybody is Ugly shows us how to fold a pocket square. Awesome.

Liebemarlene finds serious treasure while thrifting. Why can’t I find cool stuff like this when I thrift?

Coilhouse showcases some gorgeous Flickr streams. Definately worth a peak.

Indiefixx has me hankering for LADY nameplate necklace from Finch Metal. Want. Want. Want.

This girl gets snapped by both The Facehunter and the Sartorialist. I fully intend on copying her necklace.

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I was half asleep this morning when I decided to ditch my usual black obi belt and in a moment of unadulterated rebellion I reached for my white one instead. Oh the controversy. I don’t mind the colour combo actually… in fact, I think I may be on to something.

* Skirt from Chin Chin

* Top thrifted

* Obi belt from DFO Melbourne

* Shoes from Sportsgirl

Oh the cutest thing happened today - I had the most delightful young man come into my office and he had a few questions about my work so I answered them and as he was walking away he stopped, turned and said ‘Nice outfit by the way!’ with a lovely smile on his face. It totally made my day.

I feel I must apologise to those of you who enjoyed my 90210 recap last week and were expecting a follow up. Sadly, I missed last night’s episode because I had rehearsal and I have a sneaking suspicion that Daddy Smaggle forgot to record it for me. But have no fear my Beverly Loving Ladies (and gents) because Na is back this week with her awesome three-way text conversation. Seriously this had me snorting my strawberries this morning! From now on I will be watching the show live… rehearsals have been moved to Tuesday! The theatre gods have smiled upon me!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Picture

This rant is aimed squarely at all the ‘hip’ new cocktail bars that are springing up, uninvited I might add, in my previously dull and blissfully boring city. Every week some millionaire property owner opens a new bar on a derelict street, wanting to pimp it as a funky new district. I don’t mind the actual bars themselves. They usually have very flattering lighting, sinful cocktails, grope-worthy bar tenders and funky DJ’s. They also have ridiculously ambivalent toilet signs. I may be old school in my opinion on this but I need a very clear FEMALE or MALE sign with both words and a little picture of a man in pants or a lady in a dress. When bathroom matters are involved there is no place for suggestion. I need clear cut directions. I went to a new restaurant last week and after one too many glasses of wine I sauntered off to the toilet. I swear both signs were identical. They were a weird mass of glittery swirls and I couldn’t find any indication of sex on either of them. I must have stood there for two whole minutes until finally one of the impossibly cute waiters tapped the correct door and said ‘This one love, can you see the F?’ I smiled politely and walked through the door but in my head I was screaming ‘No I can’t see the F! I’ll give you an F! Your trendy mullet sucks and your door signs are redundant!’. I actually went back to have a second go and I stared at the mofo like it was a magic eye picture and I still couldn’t get it. 

The inappropriateness of these signs is beyond belief especially as most of the people who use these toilets are drunk. Well I usually am. The main Irish pub in my city has ‘Mya’ and ‘Fir’ or something like that written on the toilets. Presumably they mean male and female but how would one know this? Especially when one has had four Guiness’ and the cover band is starting to play ‘500 Miles’ and you need to get back to the dance floor pronto. Thankfully it’s always so busy with regulars that I can usually find the bathroom by following one of the intoxicated, muffin-top sporting eighteen year olds that frequent this particular pub. However I’m still miffed that I have to rely on the habits of the great unwashed to find my way in this maze of hell they like to call public bathrooms.  

Amongst all this mayhem my question is this - why? I get that clubs and pubs want to do the designer thing but surely someone can design a pleasing toilet sign that actually indicates whether or not vaginas are welcome. Otherwise you’ll have a drunk Lady Smaggle squinting and stumbling outside the toilets and accusing poor defenceless waiters of having bad hair. What happens if one of the afore mentioned muffin toppers accidentally leads me into the male toilet? I’m traumatised just thinking about it.

What about you my lovely? What’s got you all cranky this week?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Hello my darlings! Sorry to have been away from you all for so long but I had a mega crazy weekend. Between working on Saturday and nursing several employees through a myriad of traumas I was too exhausted to dress well so I slobbed around all weekend in maxi dresses and granny cardigans. It wasn’t pretty. I also had a lovely dinner date with Mr Smaggle, patted a teeny tiny smaggly little rabbit who I nearly squished to death because he was so cute, played some Mario Kart and fashioned a guitar string into a bracelet for my friend’s new lady. It was a super cute idea so I’m thinking of exploring some guitar string jewellery options… I’ll keep you posted!

* 2 pairs of opaque tights from Coles. I can’t find tights that are warm or thick enough so I’ve been doubling up. I’m now too scared to wear single pairs because I feel so toasty with my tights to the power of two.

* Short sleeve trench from Valley Girl. I know that this style was slammed through out the blogosphere but I tried it on and felt so deliciously sporty that I couldn’t resist the purchase. I’m feeling so Lil’ Kim right now… I’m seriously resisting the urge start crumping on my desk.

* Vivienne Westwood for Melissa mary janes. The love affair continues dispite the fact that I gauged a big chunk out of the side of the left one on some of Daddy Smaggles plumbing gear that he left in the driveway. It was a blessing in disguise really because you can’t relax into precious new shoes until you’ve scuffed them up a bit. I feel the honeymoon period is over and we can sink into a blissful and steady romance.

* Earrings from Girlprops

* Three antique watches thrifted

* Sunglasses from Groove - These cost $2 and I freakin love them!

How have you been? How was your weekend? Oh I’ve missed you all SO MUCH!!!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I’m a teeny tiny bit annoyed with myself today. I was supposed to go to a spin class at lunch time but I decided not to go and ate a lot of crackers instead. This afternoon I’m off shopping for hair product (preferably a magic serum that will stop me looking like a downy baby duck) and boring basics like plain cotton t-shirts and underwear. Then Mr Smaggle and I off to see The Dark Knight Batman movie! Hell yeah!

* Tights from Target

* Boots from Payless

* Dress from Ebay

* Cardigan from Stock Jeans

* Scarf from Sportsgirl

* Pearls stolen from Mama Smaggle

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Today was delightful. Browny (my work mate) and I snuck away for a delicious hot chocolate at lunch time and I’m just about to leave work for the weekend. I was supposed to go to an audition but that got cancelled so I’m going to drink wine with the director instead!

* Jeans from Jag

* Shoes from Nine West

* Singlet top from Sportsgirl

* Top thrifted

* Bracelets from Equip - I bought these from the loveliest girl who, when I went to the counter with matching bracelets, said ’Oh these are the same! We have a whole pile of different ones over here that are discounted!’ when I told her that I actually wanted two the same and I planned to wear one on each wrist (I love symmetrical jewellery) she looked confused for minute. Then she very slowly kind of half slipped them over her wrist as if she was imagining what they might look like. Then she nodded and said ‘Cool!’. It was very cute like as if the thought had never occurred to her before.

* Necklace from Equip

This evening my Mr Smaggle is cooking me dinner and we are continuing our Big Love Season 2 marathon. The show is awesome and if you want to comment about how much you love it please do. Although no spoilers I’m only up to the third episode of season 2. If you haven’t seen it, rent it now. I love my little polygamists SO MUCH!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

It’s a very special birthday for my Mr Smaggle today and I’m off home to get all pretty to go out for dinner!

* Black opaques from Myer

* Boots from Payless

* Skirt from Ebay

* Top thrifted

* Cardigan from Target

* Bangles from Diva and from a costume in a play

* Belt from a costume in a play

Wow I’m a real little costume thief aren’t I?

Can everyone say Happy Birthday to Mr Smaggle for me? He’ll love it! Comment away my pretties!!! I may even post a photo of the celebrations if you’re lucky and then you can meet him…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx