Typical. The second I leave Canberra I get offered tickets to a burlesque show. As sad as I was to say no to such a fabulous evening the publicist contacted me and offered the tickets as a giveaway to my readers. So yay… I’m thrilled for you. Bastards. Here is all the info…

The Burlesque Hour… She’s Back!

Canberra, get out your fishnets and go glam!  Provocative, alluring, unmissable… The Burlesque Hour… She’s Back kicks off the Street Theatre’s 2010 season with a revved up mix of gobsmacking new acts, hot new stars, and spectacular requests.  Genre-busting, intriguing, provocative, totally unique - and beloved by audiences around the world, Finucane & Smith’s The Burlesque Hour has defined burlesque for the 21^stcentury.

FINUCANE & SMITH’S

THE BURLESQUE HOUR… SHE’S BACK!

VENUE The Street Theatre, Childers St Canberra City West

DATES OPENING NIGHT Thursday 11 February 8pm

SEASON Thursday 11 through Saturday 20 February

SHOWS Thurs 11 – Sat 13 & Tues 16 – Thurs 18 @ 8pm

Fri 19 & Sat 20 Feb @ 7pm & 9.30pm

VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL Sunday February 14 @ 6pm

TICKETS Standard: $37 Concession $33 Group +6 $30

Catwalk Tix: Only $10 more!

Valentine’s:  $43 Twilight Show w/ Cocktails all night!

BOOKINGS 6247 1223 or www.thestreet.org.au

The Street Theatre is delighted to offer 2 lucky Smaggle readers one double pass each to opening night, February 11, of The Burlesque Hour… She’s Back! To win, tell Smaggle a secret… what’s the most provocative thing you’ve done?

Anyone can comment but you must be in Canberra and available on Thursday 11th February to go into the draw. Please spread it around…. how often is there a Canberra exclusive competition? Entries close at 5pm on Monday 8th February. Oh and do let us know if you’re a Canberra dweller when you comment otherwise we won’t know!

So tell us… what IS the most provocative thing you’ve done???

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Etsy

Why don’t you…

* Take photos everyday? Of you and your housemate eating cereal in your pajamas? Of your boyfriend cooking you dinner? Of you and girlfriends drinking tea and watching Sex and The City? Have photographic evidence of your everyday pleasure?

* Burn fragrant oil in your house? Rose? Strawberry? Frangipani? Let your house smell like a florist?

* Start everyday with a list? Write things like ‘Drink two cups of chamomile tea’? And ‘Rub yummy lotion into your hands after lunch’? Or ‘Text one of your friends to say that you love them’?

* Buy yourself expensive mineral water like lemon Perrier and take it to parties instead of wine? Be sober in style?

* Plant your own herbs? Have a delicious collection of mis-matched jars with bunches of green leaves growing in them? Basil? Mint? Lemongrass?

* Wear a brooch?

* Get up early and do a yoga class? Pretend to be a zen and centered person until the behavior becomes a habit?

* Play music in the kitchen in the morning? Rock out while you make your toast? Sing a love ballad as you cut up your salad for lunch?

* Go to bed early? Turn off the television and your laptop and read a book? Flick through fashion magazines? Leaf through those beautiful photography books you have collecting dust on a shelf?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Image

Why don’t you…

* Make little pom-pom shoe clips to jazz up your favourite heels? Clip them to the toes? The heels? The ankle straps? Just wear one? Or both but in different places?

* Drink green tea all day? From a dainty cup and saucer?

* Ditch all packaging in your kitchen? Replace unsighlty boxes and bags with mis-matched glass jars? For cereal? Rice? Lentils? Re-use condiment jars and bottles and have a pantry fit for a potion maker?

* Lie on the floor all afternoon and read an entire book?

* Get a make-over? Have a gorgeous beautician give you a brand new look? Try something new? Start wearing blush? Consider smoky eyeshadow? Bronzer? Berry hued lipstick?

* Stop thinking of cooking as a burden? Start making healthy and delicious dinners? Lentil curries? Herbed lamb skewers? Spicy vegetable noodles? Pop on an apron and pretend you’re Nigella Lawson?

* Eat only organic dark chocolate?

* Move your body? Take an adult ballet class? Pilates? Ballroom dancing? Be elegant?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Etsy

Lady loves…

* Spontaneously getting wasted with Mamma Smaggle on a work night.

* My cousin, who has the EXACT same taste in literature as me, handing me a stack of perfect books to read. FYI our taste goes along the lines of pulpy, trashy real life reads with a very heavy slant towards serial killers.

* Mr Smaggle fixing my bike. I can’t wait to go for a ride around the lake this afternoon.

* Vegie crisps when I’m really hungover. And coffee. And Panadine.

* This Pingu toy that Mr Smaggle’s brother, Mr Squiggle, gave to me for Christmas. When you squeeze it, it makes psycho Pingu noises. I must press it around ten times a day.

* Browny. She is such a loser. One of my readers tweeted about her today and she got so excited that she took a screen shot of the tweet and emailed it to herself. I keep catching her looking at it and muttering ‘People love Browny…’.

* My beautiful hand carved bangle that Co-Dependent Smaggle bought for me in India. I’ve worn it nearly everyday since she gave it me. I love it when you get given jewellery and it becomes an immediate staple.

Lady loathes…

* Being hideously hungover. It was totally worth it though.

* Not being able to eat healthily because I have too many social engagements. I know. Your heart bleeds for me right? I’m actually being serious. I can’t escape wine, cheese, bread and dessert at the moment. It’s killing me. I just need to eat nothing but salad and steamed greens for a week. Blergh!

* How slowly my mossie bites are healing. I’m a big itchy, weepy mess.

* People who don’t listen. Me – ‘Hello, Lady Smaggle speaking’. Person on the phone  – ‘Hi Judy…’. Yep. That’s fine. If you didn’t hear my name, don’t by any means ask me to repeat it. Just make one up. Preferably one that doesn’t sound anything like my actual name. That will make me think you’re awesome.

* My teeny tiny cousin suddenly being six feet tall. I mean it’s great for him, he is flipping gorgeous but I used to give him baths and read him stories. And now he drives a car. Excuse me. I have to buy some prunes and replace the batteries in my hearing aid.

What about you angel pie? Anything to share today?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

P.S One more loathe – Wordpress formatting being weird. I’m trying to fix it.

Don’t you just HATE it when you have a house full of stuff that you just don’t need? And none of your friends want it? And you couldn’t be arsed taking it to Vinnies? And it’s just too good to throw away? This awesome new site (made by Mr Smaggle! Squeal!) Yoink lets you list all your unwanted stuff to be ‘yoinked’ by someone who really wants it! It’s a non-profit site that helps everyone re-use, recycle and embrace green living.

It’s too freaking easy for me to bother explaining how to use it so just visit the site and have a wander. There’s free range eggs, car parts, clothes, kids toys, jewellery… it’s awesome.

So you can give, get, not spend a cent and keep your unwanted items from becoming landfill. It’s like Ebay for free stuff!

The Yoink guys are also a running a competition where if you submit one of the first 10, 000 items you go into the running to win a $1000 Amazon gift card!

Oh and the iPhone application is on its way in January… so you can just wander around your house, take a photo on your iPhone and post it straight to Yoink. Couldn’t be easier.

Please spread the word!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

P.S. Oh and please do comment and let Mr Smaggle know what you think!

Etsy

Lady loves…

* That I’m going home in one week for the summer. ‘Home’ being Canberra. I’m seriously jack of Melbourne this week. Then when Canberra starts pissing me off Melbourne will be home. I delight in being fickle. It’s one of my many charms.

* My juicer. It ANNIHILATES fruit and vegetables. Right now I’m drinking carrot, celery, apple and ginger juice. Hear that cheering? That’s my body celebrating. 

* Cleaning out my cupboards. Obviously not the act of doing it but waking up in the morning and diving into ironed racks of clean dresses and neat stacks of colour coded tops… sigh! 

* Planning a Saturday night celebration with my Melbourne family. That’s Roomy Smaggle (my house mate), Co-Dependent Smaggle (my wife) and Oadie (our collective faux boyfriend and the token salami of our family). Can’t. Freaking. Wait. 

* Getting back to the gym. I’ve been in the Berra for a week and although I’m fond of the Wii Fit there is nothing like a crazy pump class to get me feeling tops. 

* Regretsy. 

Lady loathes…

* Being asked this question – ‘Is there a reason in particular that you don’t want to be paid in cheques?’. Yes, because it’s not 1985. Heard of internet banking? It should be illegal to pay people in cheques. It’s like being paid in foreign currency. 

* That 90% of people that I came into contact with today told me they have diarrhoea. Excellent. I look forward to the next few days. 

* Trying to go dairy free. I have been having HORRENDOUS women’s monthlies recently and I read that going dairy free can really help with cramps so I thought I’d give it a go. The problem is that I’m so freaking stupid that I keep forgetting and eating really dumb arse things. I’ve got the soy latte down pat but then I go and eat a bowl of yogurt. Honestly. I haven’t gone one day with out dairy since I went dairy free a week ago. It’s not like I keep ‘giving in’ to dairy I just go blank when I eat cheese and then later I’m all ‘Oh… cheese is dairy. Shit. Did it again.’

* Wanting to go out for dinner and a glass of wine and not having anyone to go with! Everyone is sick or busy. Bloody Melbourne. Grumble, grumble. 

* People over-sharing on Facebook. In particular, medically. Shudder. We know I don’t censor things here at Smaggle and when I’m suffering an affliction (such as menstrual cramps) I will mention it, but I draw the line when it comes to medical details. 

What about you angels? Anything to share?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

P.S SO SORRY to my Squiz card winners! Your emails will be coming next week I promise. The Squizies are on it!

Postsecret

Lady loves…

* Co-Dependent Smaggle joining my gym. Nothing like a workout buddy to get you motivated.

* Starting Oct-sober. I’m going to be alcohol free for the rest of the month. I can feel my arteries thanking me already.

* Vera Wang.

* Sitting in cafes with Mr Smaggle working on creative projects.

* St Kilda.

* Being recongnised. Twice in one week!

* My driving-back-to-Melbourne Friday night date with Mr Smaggle. We listened to Harry Potter audio books, stopped for a decadent Japanese dinner in Albury and ate treats the whole way back. It was blissful!

* Unpacking as soon as I got home from my trip rather than leaving it on the floor for weeks.

* The weird kid sitting across from me who is wearing headphones and playing air guitar in the middle of the library. Sometimes I get really jealous of people and their lack of self awareness.

Lady loathes…

* The rude little bitch who shoved my chair forward at a cafe yesterday while trying to get to her table. I was sitting at a vintage table underwhich modern sized thighs do not fit. When I said ‘Hang on’ what I meant was ‘Don’t push my effing chair you little brat!’. Her mother was just as hideous.

* People who talk really loudly in shops.

* Slow teachers. I’m currently at school waiting for my teacher to get me a tiny piece of silver and I can’t actually do anything until he gets it. He is currently in the cafe having a coffee. ARGH!

* Being tired. I worked for the whole of my holidays and I’m totally exhausted.

What about you muffin pie? Anything fun to share?

Love Lady Smaggle

Lady loves…

* A ’sensible’ mid-week catch up with Browny turning into copious amounts of wine, Browny getting it on with a guy called Borat and me ending the evening with my head in the toilet on a work night. What, am I sixteen? Totally worth it though. 

* Being told yesterday morning that I looked ‘fresh and lovely’ right as my liver was threatening to crawl right out my bum, run to the nearest police station and have an AVO taken out against me. Nothing like a completely unexpected compliment to get you through hang over hell. 

* Biting people in weird places. Don’t be dirty! I just bit Mr Smaggle on the calf and it was really satisfying. I recommend that you try it. By the way is it ‘calf’ or ‘calve’? Google dictionary seems to think it’s both. 

* Young girls who dress beautifully. I saw a stunning angel yesterday wearing a soft floral dress and stacks of bangles while all her friends were wearing arse-cheek cut off denim shorts. I applaud you, non-conformist teenager!

* Big Love Season 3. I stayed up until 2am watching it last night. Completely in love with Chloe Sevingy. 

* Perfect Saturdays. 

Lady loathes…

* Dora the Explorer. I’m going to kill the map. 

* People who say stuff like ‘If I don’t feel comfortable driving at the speed limit then I don’t have to‘. Um… yeah you do. It’s the law. It’s a maximum and minimum speed give or take ten percent either side. If you don’t feel comfortable driving at the speed limit DON’T DRIVE. 

* Finding out that spring rolls have 400 calories in them. 400! Why has this not been brought to my attention before? Ignorance is indeed bliss.

*Incompetent administration staff.  

* Wii Fit. Passive aggressive little bastard. ‘Well, well if it isn’t Lady Smaggle? I haven’t seen you in a while, perhaps that’s why you’ve gained 400gms?‘. I live in Melbourne you douche bag and don’t ever tell me if I’ve gained 400gms. I could lose that with one really good fart. And ‘I haven’t seen Mr Smaggle in a while! How he is looking? Fatter? Thinner? The same?‘. It’s trying to turn us against each other… I think it’s watching me while I sleep. 

* Not having enough time. Ever. 

What about you bunny face? Anything lovely and yucky to share?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

etsy

Lady loves…

* An evening alone to cram home made asian mince and lettuce wraps into my mouth and spill it all down my front. Totally filthy and totally satisfied. Excellent. 

* Ginger ale and Japanese ginger candy. Never been a huge fan of the old ginger. Perhaps I’m developing a more mature palette. 

* Sitting on the deck with Co-Dependent Smaggle drinking gin and tonics. 

* Having just one week of school left before I drive into the sunset and back to the Berra… until next term that is. 

* The teacher that I went on an exursion with today who did a complete 360 in a narrow Melbourne street with 20 students on a giant bus to pick up a chair left as hard rubbish on the side of the road. The fact that she looks like a supermodel made it so much cooler. This tiny, gorgeous thing wearing all manner of scarves and bangles heaving this old chair onto the bus. Priceless. 

* Working. There is nothing I love more than being able to comfortably afford to pay my rent. I almost get off on being financially secure. I’m sick. 

* My delicious reader Nicole for not only spotting me in the August issue of BUST magazine but for taking the time to actually send me a copy because it’s not available in Australia! Big sloppy virtual kisses sent in your direction lady! Mwah!

* My course. Useful information overload. It’s awesome. 

* Mr Smaggle making my internet faster then dial-up for the first time all year. Yay blogging!

* Being the only person in my enormous local outdoor pool swimming in the sunshine. 

* True crime books. I’m totally addicted right now. 

Lady loathes…

* This stupid ulcer that has taken up residence under my lip. So annoying. 

* Getting the hiccoughs at the gym. As if it’s not unpleasant enough already. 

* A Current Affair. And E! They are both total wastes of airspace. 

* Being either covered in acid (school) or snot (teaching) and not being able to wear pretty clothes everyday. It’s starting to wear me down.

* Not having a sewing machine! I was discussing this with Roomy Smaggle and we were wondering when is the appropriate age to get over borrowing other people’s sewing machines and buy your own? And when I say buy your own I mean a new one that wasn’t purchased from Ebay or Savers. It’s such a big investment but one that will have to be made eventually. What are your thoughts on this?

* Smashing a whole bottle of sweet chilli sauce in the driveway. 

What about you angel face?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Etsy print

Lady Loves…

* Getting an impromptu sleep in this morning! Classes were cancelled and no one called me early for work. I’m still in my pyjamas. State. Of. Bliss.

* Detoxing. Living between two cities means lots of celebratory drinks upon my arrival and return to each destination. Meaning that my diet for the past month has been cheese, crackers, wine and kebabs. It’s all vegies and fruit for five days people!

* T2 peppermint tea. 

* Chatting to Mr Smaggle on Skype. 

* Mud masks. 

* Getting some much needed Lady time.

* Meeting my best friend’s best friend on Saturday night. We clicked instantly and got very messy together. 

* The new airport show ‘Airways’. It’s set in Tiger terminals through out Australia. It’s like someone took the thing that I loathe the most (Tiger Air) and made a whole show that just bags the shit out of it. Excellent. 

* Buying myself flowers. 

* Having my wife come to visit me. 

* Doing a detox that requires ‘gentle exercise’. Hell yes. I’m all over yoga tonight. 

Lady Loathes…

* Spending too much money. 

* People offering me work and then taking it back. 

* People who shop slowly. It’s not the last thing you’re going to buy! Make a decision and get the hell out of there. 

* Again, never being warm enough. 

* School being slow. I moved specifically for the course and when they cancel classes or water down the subjects it really annoys me. 

* Detoxing. It’s hideously boring. 

* Currently not having any vices. I gave them all up! I feel so ordinary…

* Spending $6 on possibly the shite-est DVD EVER! Called Wild Child. It stars Emma Roberts, the no-talent niece of Julia. That should have set off alarm bells. 

What about you poppet pie? What’s tickling your pickle? Or making you all frowny?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx