Smaggle

I have had heaps of readers asking for me to wear the stocking necklace from my tutorial so here it is in action! I have been so stupidly busy today and I feel like my face is going to explode. I’m off to make a huge mess in the kitchen tonight with Mars Bar slice and clay! Not at the same time obviously…

* Dress thrifted

* Tights from Coles

* Long cardigan from Cotton On

* Vivienne Westwood for Melissa shoes

* Stocking necklace Smaggle Made

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Today was CRAZY busy at work but I’m just about to finish and head to a spin class. Then I’m off home to work on my NMIT application – wish me luck!

* Opaques from Myer

* Shoes from Gertrude Street in Melbourne

* Dress thrifted

* Wrap top thrifted

* Coin necklace from Poppy Smaggle

* Virgo earrings from Girlprops

* Sunglasses from a cheap weird store

And yes, I do have excellent cleavage today. Thank you for noticing.

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Hello my darlings! Sorry to have been away from you all for so long but I had a mega crazy weekend. Between working on Saturday and nursing several employees through a myriad of traumas I was too exhausted to dress well so I slobbed around all weekend in maxi dresses and granny cardigans. It wasn’t pretty. I also had a lovely dinner date with Mr Smaggle, patted a teeny tiny smaggly little rabbit who I nearly squished to death because he was so cute, played some Mario Kart and fashioned a guitar string into a bracelet for my friend’s new lady. It was a super cute idea so I’m thinking of exploring some guitar string jewellery options… I’ll keep you posted!

* 2 pairs of opaque tights from Coles. I can’t find tights that are warm or thick enough so I’ve been doubling up. I’m now too scared to wear single pairs because I feel so toasty with my tights to the power of two.

* Short sleeve trench from Valley Girl. I know that this style was slammed through out the blogosphere but I tried it on and felt so deliciously sporty that I couldn’t resist the purchase. I’m feeling so Lil’ Kim right now… I’m seriously resisting the urge start crumping on my desk.

* Vivienne Westwood for Melissa mary janes. The love affair continues dispite the fact that I gauged a big chunk out of the side of the left one on some of Daddy Smaggles plumbing gear that he left in the driveway. It was a blessing in disguise really because you can’t relax into precious new shoes until you’ve scuffed them up a bit. I feel the honeymoon period is over and we can sink into a blissful and steady romance.

* Earrings from Girlprops

* Three antique watches thrifted

* Sunglasses from Groove – These cost $2 and I freakin love them!

How have you been? How was your weekend? Oh I’ve missed you all SO MUCH!!!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

This was the probing question that was asked over at Fashion Nation this morning. To answer Stephie’s question… I want to look like this girl please…

I want to be metabolically slim with tousled hair and a supernatural ability to wear nothing but muted tones without looking like the walking dead. Super long legs and a wardrobe full of some serious shoe chunk would also help me out. If you want to visit this impossibly cool lady here is her blog That’s Just my Vibe. I’ll warn you though her level of coolness is like an eclipse. So don’t look directly at her lest she blind you.

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Today is one of those days where I thought my outfit looked awesome this morning but now that I have taken my daily outfit shot I think that I look like a midget emo clown. This afternoon I’m off for happy hour drinks and then Mr Smaggle and I are going to have deep and intellectually stimulating conversations… while playing Mario Kart.

* Black opaques x 2 from Coles. I’m super toasty today!

* Skirt from Valley Girl

* Black mini dress worn as top from Cowboys and Angels

* Bow belt from a musical I was in

* Scrabble ‘Lady’ necklace from Groglmann

* Three broken antique watches

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Just a few things I’m loving today…

Coco gives us a peak at Corine Roitfeld’s wardrobe and she’s one stylish lady. Well, she is the editor of French Vogue.

Fops and Dandies reads Frankie! Ah!

The Clothes Horse doodles on her laptop. As in on the actual laptop. Awesome.

Pandora recreates John William Waterhouse’s ‘The Lady of Shallot’… it’s breathtaking. This one is for Mama Smaggle.

The Coilhouse tells us how they are banning Emo and Goth from public life in Russia. Whaaaa…?

Oh and I discovered Outsapop this gorgeous Finnish trash designer who linked to me on her blog. Seriously check out her site it’s awesome. Susie Bubble did it too! Does this mean I’m famous now…?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I had a quiet day yesterday so at lunch time I decided to Facebook stalk some of my friends and click on THEIR friends who don’t have private profiles. Don’t act all shocked and like it’s a violation of their privacy. Anyone with a public Facebook profile is promoting the act of stalking if you ask me. Anyway 90% of everyone’s photos were made up of formal pics and 21st celebrations. After flicking through one too many pictures of orange girls in generic sparkly gowns I’ve realised that most evening wear is hideous. Plain, strapless dresses that don’t fit correctly and are decorated with some kind of lame ruching and sparkle. There is usually a colour theme as well. At my formal it was blue and green with silver accessories or a plain black dress with red accessories. Yawn. I’ve decided that I’m too young to be out of the formal game so I’m going to hang around on the senior lawns of some local boys schools and try to get a cute 18 year old to ask me to be his date. Or else I’ll just bully one of my younger cousins into taking me. Either way I’m going to need a reason to wear one of Eli Saab’s black and white cinematic formal gowns…

This collection reminds of Eliza Doolittle’s ascot dress… it might be a little bit much for a summer school formal but I would still consider it. Although I might want a bigger hat…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Photos from Style.com

Today a lady I work with said to me ‘Now I noticed something yesterday and I thought it must have been an accidental anomaly but today I can see again that you’re wearing three watches. So… what’s the deal with that?’. I replied that all of them are broken and that I think they are pretty and want to wear them anyway. She slowly nodded and smiled at me as if she had the men in white coats waiting for me outside the door ready to shove me into a straight jacket. What did she mean ‘accidental anomaly’? Like as if I was out today thinking ‘Damn I’m such an idiot! I put three broken watches on AGAIN! Geez… what are the odds of that happening two days in a row hey?’. And yes I know it’s shocking but sometimes I wear jeans. That was another comment I received in abundance today.

* Jeans from Jag

* Top thrifted

* Cardigan from David Jones

* Knee high fishnets from Mama Smaggle

* Charm bracelet Smaggle Made

* Three broken antique watches thrifted

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Remember how upset I was a few days ago when I discovered all the fanny addicts out there who have been Googling their filth and stumbling upon Smaggle? Well my friends here’s a list of some other choice phrases that will apparently lead you to the land of Smaggle…

Crush on tim curry why? – Um… Because he is awesome and talented. And preternaturally beautiful.

Big Ass 2008 - So big asses in 2007 just weren’t doing it for you?

Katie Price in stockings - We don’t like Katie Price. Please don’t Google her again.

Tampons with applicators in Australia – Good luck sweetie. We use normal tampons here thank you very much.

Doosh long cardigan – It’s douche. And it’s not a good idea to use a long cardigan for that sort of thing. Or a short one.

Scene where samantha is fat in sex in t – This scene doesn’t exist.

lady seduce boy – Why? What have you heard about me?

Can’t find spot for tampon - I can’t help you. Actually I don’t want to help you. Please go away.

Anne Hathaway Nipples -Anne Hathaway. Shmeh. It’s nothing personal she is just really boring. I imagine that her nipples are too.

Wee little bum – What exactly were you hoping to come across searching for this?

I clearly have to brush up on my language… and stop using the word ‘fanny’. Shit. I just did it again. I’m insatiable.

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Photo

Today’s rant is dedicated to the stupid whore who tried (unsuccessfully) to spade Mr Smaggle in Ali Baba last week. For my international readers, Ali Baba is a Canberra chain of 24 hour kebab stores that are frequented by hobos and drunkards on Saturday nights. Mr Smaggle and I were included amongst the riff-raff last week, after dancing the night away in a Russian themed bar we stumbled there in search of a gluten-free midnight snack. I minced my way over to the corner (my feet were very angry with me) and sat down while Mr Smaggle ordered. The seemingly innocent girl in front of him (Lets call her ‘Slut’ shall we?) ordered a gluten-free wrap and was positively outraged when they said they didn’t have any gluten-free bread left so she begrudgingly ordered a salad instead. Here is the conversation that insued…

Slut – (to the guy behind the counter) What? You don’t have any gluten free bread? What the hell? Fine. I’ll have a salad… (Her gaze wanders drunkenly over to a rather dapper looking Mr Smaggle)

Mr Smaggle – (Jauntily – to the guy behind the counter) So you don’t have any gluten-free bread then…? No worries I’ll just grab a salad.

Slut – (Trying to be sexy) … I like you…

Mr Smaggle – Hm.

Slut – I’m gluten-intolerant too! 

Mr Smaggle – Yeah it’s a pain isn’t it…

Slut – Oh my god it’s sooooo annoying …blah blah blah (I don’t actually remember what she said at this point I was busy planning to rip her eyeballs out)

Mr Smaggle – Yep…uh-huh…really…. (Completely uncomfortable and irritated but trying to be polite. Bless him)

Slut – (Receives her food) Nice talking to you… see you later…(trails of suggestively… the tarty strumpet.)

Mr Smaggle – Yep. Bye. (Looks at me and rolls his eyes)

(Slut and Slut’s side-kick both turn to look at me)

Slut’s side-kick – Oh my god. Looks like your gluten-free boyfriend has a girlfriend. You are SO MUCH hotter than her. (Hair flick and strut away)

Seriously how rude is that? It was completely inappropriate. It was also totally untrue. I’m not saying that in a bitchy mean way but this girl was really plain and took zero pride in her appearance. I won the hotness race by default simply because I wash my hair. It made me so angry that Slut Side-kick automatically started doing the bitch flick at me because I was a ‘threat’ to her friend. Since when did it become acceptable for girls to try and pick up guys who show absolutely no interest in them, and then start abusing their girlfriends because they get shot down? Believe me, Mr Smaggle was not turning her down on my behalf… he generally dislikes messy, intoxicated bitches without my encouragement. The polite thing to do would have been to have swallowed her pride, realised her error and moved onto another tall, slender and gorgeous coeliac. There are plenty of them to go around! But no… the She-devil decides to send her little lap-dog in at her defence. Defence of what? I didn’t do anything! I didn’t even say anything! Mr Smaggle and I left Ali Baba feeling really sorry that horribly deluded girls like that even exist. We were even sadder that they apparently spent their Saturday evenings tormenting perfectly happy couples trying to have a romantic kebab in peace.

Share a rant? Go on! You know you love it!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx