A few tips on how to thrift…
There is a fine art to thrifting. One must have nerves of steel, no shame and a slightly manic obsession with snagging a bargain. There is no room for morals or modesty and it’s every woman for herself. If you are new to thrifting here are a few tips to help you decide if you have it in you…
* Don’t bother holding your breath. That stale fart smell lives in thrift stores and won’t pass. If you wait for it to stop lingering it’s likely you’ll faint. Just deal with it. Or sniff your underarms occasionally to give yourself a break.
* If you are ready to try on your clothes - WAIT DIRECTLY OUTSIDE THE CHANGE ROOM. Even if it takes the change room hog who got in there before you 45 minutes to finish. If you are wandering around the store YOU ARE NOT IN THE LINE. If you are perusing the counter a metre from the change room YOU ARE NOT IN THE LINE. If you are one step out of the line YOU ARE NOT IN THE LINE. I learnt this rule from a sneaky little Italian lady who jumped the queue in front of me a few years ago. DO NOT TAKE YOUR EYES AWAY FROM THE YELLOWING CRUSTY CHANGE ROOM CURTAIN OR YOU ARE NOT IN THE LINE.
* It’s perfectly acceptable to pick up an item nanoseconds after someone has put it back. In the thrifting world, you snooze you loose. DO NOT take items directly from the arms of other shoppers. I set my little Italian friend straight about that one.
* Speaking of little old ladies DO NOT let them win. They will ‘innocently’ wander into the change room ahead of you, they will grab stuff straight out of your hands and they will say ‘excuse me’ so you move backwards and they will park their tiny arses in front of you and start unabashedly flicking through the rack that you had dibs on. Obviously don’t be mean to them but let them know who is boss. Oh don’t believe that they can’t speak English. I picked up a bag once and tucked it under my arm and this little raisin-faced lady started firing angry sounding words at me in German and snatched the bag off me. I assumed it was her personal hand bag and that I had picked it up by mistake so I apologised and walked away. She then marched straight to the counter, paid for it and quipped to the counter assistant in perfect English that it was a lovely bag and she was so glad she found it. Bitch. I was too shocked to knee cap her at the time but now I’m prepared. God help the next Grandma who tries this one on me…
* This one is a little controversial but I don’t haggle. Unless something is above $10 it’s not worth it. I’ve seen well dressed vintage loving girls wearing Nine West shoes and designer dresses trying to bully the volunteer counter assistant into giving them a $5 top for $3. Keep your dignity and remember that the money goes to charity. It’s easy to lose to your head when thrifting and your whole value system can go berserk. Remember this rule - if you have bought something at retail prices in the past month don’t bargain in a thrift store. The extra $2 you’re trying to save could be the difference between lunch and starvation for a homeless person. Of course feel free to have a whinge if it really is unreasonable. Like $50 Nine West shoes. That’s just daylight robbery.
* If a guy wearing dirty jeans and eating his own face tries to talk to you just smile and nod. And don’t let him tell you a secret. I got my face licked last time I fell for that.
* Be lovely to the sales assistants. In Australia most of them are volunteers so be kind. If you regularly smile at them and occasionally buy them a coffee they will treat you like ROYALTY. And they will also put aside goodies for you. They truly are the most delightful people and if you acknowledge them it just makes their day. Which will make your day. Love and sunshine and rainbows for all!
* If you can, thrift in the morning. The early bird catches the worm.
* Put your clothes back on the hanger and then back on the shelf where you got it. It’s good thrifting Karma and earns some serious brownie points with the volunteers.
If you’re a precious little princess don’t bother thrifting. It’s not for the faint hearted…
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
Comments
* Remember that hems can rise but cannot fall.
* Remember that while the item probably really would look great on you if your arse was just a bit smaller, if you buy in the hope that your arse actually will become smaller, the item will sit in your wardrobe and hassle you out for having a fat arse.
I’ve grown to love that stale fart smell….
Darling Ladies,
Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had all day. I agree wholeheartedly…treat the volunteers like Goddesses and your fellow thrifters with the vicious contempt and physical loathing their skanky barge-arses deserve.
Love,
Matt XXX
you had ur face licked, was abused in german, an italian lady cut in line - dude, where on earth are u thrifting!? lol. that’s insane. but good tips, toots
hehehe. Great post. I always hang up the clothes, but to return them to where you got is genius - I’m gonna start that asap.
If you do thrift early in the morning and are a nice regular at your thrifty place, hilarious impromptu fashion parades (that are normally held in the back sorting area) can ensue - you’ll need waterproof mascara and prolly fall in love with every garment that they find most hilarious and mad. Also if you come bearing old carrier bags (that can be reused in the shop) - deep joy will break out. S’true.
Do other people thrift on holiday?
lol! little old ladies can be pretty vicious when charity shopping!
Wow, you have encountered some ruthless grandmas. The few neighborhood places where I go are dominated by the young which generally means I don’t run into these tactics. Of course, they tend to be overpriced, too so I guess that’s the trade-off…
Mrs Schlegal - Oh totally! And second hand stuff is always tiny because generally people out grow their clothes and not the other way around
Susie-Bubble - It’s a comforting stench.
Matt&Ged - It’s all for you baby.
Ivy - The face licker was in Camden London and the Italian lady was just at my local. I don’t remember where the German lady was… I think I just attract weirdos.
Hailey - They totally love you for it.
E - I thrift all the time. Mr Smaggle likes it too because he likes old funiture and cameras and stuff. If I walk past a second hand store I’m going in…
Selina - They really are the worst the little oldies.
Ambika - There aren’t a whole lot of young ones in my city. It’s not the trendiest thing to do here…
Fantastic post Lady Smaggle!
Ooh, and, as for practical tips: ALWAYS CHECK CLOTHING WELL. Test all zippers. Check for all buttons (they can be replaced, but you’ll end up doing all of them). Check the armpits of sweaters for rips and the armpits of shirts for stains. Check cuffs and collars for wear or discoloration. Check the linings of suits and dresses. And TRY EVERYTHING ON. A size 8 in 1942 ain’t no size eight today. Also, I never wear socks so I can try on shoes. But I’m pretty hardy.
Post a comment