The Worst Shoes in the World…
I did a naughty on the weekend. I paid $180 for one pair of shoes. I know it’s evil. I could feed a small African nation for months on that amount of money but I can assure you I had no choice in the matter.
These are the shoes. Disappointed? Yeah so was I. I LOATHE spending money on shoes that I can’t dance in. They don’t even sparkle. If I’m spending above $30 (yes, I am actually that tight) I want the most spectacular shoes on the planet - gorgeous, comfortable, make me drop a dress size in seconds and they should come with a free overseas holiday and a packet of Jelly Tots. As you can see I’m having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that I just spent about a years worth of thrifting money on ugly shoes. Ugly shoes that GAVE ME BLISTERS!!! Blisters in my rolling high arches. I have HIGH ARCHES that ROLL. Does that sound like a contradiction to anyone else? In case you haven’t caught on to my bitter tone I started my fitness course this morning. My trainer is a sadistic prick. I can’t remember exactly what it was that we had to do in the obstacle course (my brain tends to block out pain) but it went something like this - Run a kilometre, stab yourself in the thighs with a fork, run a kilometre, get your legs run over with a lawnmower, run a kilometre, break some bricks with your butt cheeks, run a kilometre, have a whole football team stamp on your arms, run a kilometre and then finish it all with a lovely session of being punched in the guts. I had to run through this obstacle course 10 times in one hour with no breaks wearing the Fugly Blister-maker shoes and the jerky trainer refused to administer morphine for my pain. I have a plan though. If I manage to make it though my Monday, Wednesday and Friday sessions every week for the full 6 week period I will allow myself to buy the beautiful shoes…
It’s a happy coincidence that they are released just as the course is finishing and I don’t even mind that they don’t come with a free overseas holiday… or a packet of Jelly Tots.
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
Comments
exercise is evil. that’s why i don’t do it. it’s also why i’ll never be a size 10. but I do engage in beautiful relaxing yoga in which we’re meant to empty our minds and relax and visualise calm blue oceans and all that, and EVERY SINGLE TIME i manage to visualise a beautiful, beautiful cigarette.
hmmm. something is wrong.
I paid $250 for my ugly arse runners. They don’t give me blisters, but they do make may feet look like neon ugliness. Walked to the gym this morning while the birds sang and the sun shined, then dragged myself through the pool for 1km. I now stink of chlorine, have achey arms and back, and scaley skin. But apparently it’s good for me…
I can’t remember how much I paid for my sneakers but holy crap do they kick major tight buttocks; they’re Nike Frees. I admit T was a little bit worried about getting Nikes cause they’re all about the child labour, but honestly, those kids sure know how to make a great pair of shoes. They have no soles - shoes, not kids, noticed I said soles not souls… heh, anyhoo, they can be bent in half and are super light so you don’t feel like you’re wearing anything, in fact you kinda want to go running in them, so you do, then realise that even with magic shoes you still suck at cardio and some things will never change. Still, they are magic and I will totally buy them again and again and again because in them I am a fitness Queen!
Best shoes I ever bought cost me $250. I freaked when I forked over the cash but they were comfy as walking shoes that served me well for two years. No….just over a year. Until I stepped in a can of paint.
I get shoes I like and wear the shite out of them. That is my tragic flaw
You had me lol’ing, I never had to stick a fork in my legs before, brutal! I love your reward system, it’s a good way to stay motivated! And a much better reward than food.
Awwww, Smaggle! I really do feel for you. Your experience reminds me of high school when I’d suddenly get my period every P.E. class… If your trainer was nice it would probably be a different story. Can you take the shoes back..? I guess the first day is the hardest, so it’s only gonna get easier! Hang in there!
Argh - I feel your pain. Although I do often admire trendy (read - expensive) trainers…
It can’t be nice training so early on these frosty mornings!
I’m digging those VW Melissa shoes…
Na - I was just angry and spent the whole time resisting the urge to tell the trainer to fuck off.
Jordan - I have to agree. Swimming is awesome. I just can’t bear getting into the pool at 6am…
Ruin - Ha I need shoes like that! It is amazing how new work out gear will make you try so much harder in your wrok out.
Azz - You spend $250 on a pair of shoes? You’d want to wear them until they die at that price.
Hailey - I fully intend on having a food reward as well! I have been eating no carbs for two weeks so I’m going out for dinner on Sunday. All I want is some rice. How bizarre is that? I’m not even craving chocolate.
Ivy - Thanks Ivy. I’m in SO MUCH PAIN TODAY but I’ll survive. The trainer needs to be mean otherwise I’d manipulate them. I’d do anything to get out of my work out.
Gfactor - Hi! Welcome to Smaggle! I love trendy trainers but if I am doing serious exercise I need more hard core ones. I’m eyeing of some lace Tigers for my trip to Japan…
Susie_bubble - Gorgeous aren’t they? I thought they might be up your alley…
You can and will kick this exercise’s BUTT! once you get use to it you’ll be fine. You are inspiring me though. How early in the morning do you have to wake up for your sessions??
ShowA59 - Wow thanks for the support! It’s not too bad it starts at 6.45 so I have to get up at 6am. The bootcamp I did last year started at 5.50am! It was hell…
haha, shoes that shave off dress sizes are simply divine. These shoes could very well do that if you use them for exercising!
Natasha - Good idea! I hear Melissa’s are actually that comfortable…
Melissa’s are the most comfortable shoes I own! Those red VW ones are DIVINE! I wonder if you could exercise in them rather than blister giving, expensive running shoes…?
Jessie - That’s what everyone says! All signs point to me owning the shoes. I can’t fight it…
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